“I have no idea what to do with my life now,” I said to the first life coach I ever hired. It was in the very early days after my divorce and I was smack dab in the middle of my preconceived “worst-case scenario.”
I was getting divorced. Before even turning 30. I had just finished grad school and I didn’t have a job. I had asked (demanded, whatever…) my husband to leave our apartment and I had little way of supporting myself in Brooklyn. All I saw was a blank wall when I thought about what I was going to do next.
“Have you ever heard of affirmations?” my coach asked. I had not, but that question and working with this woman was about to turn my divorce journey around.
What are affirmations?
The effectiveness of affirmations has science to back it up. As humans, we think thoughts all day, pretty much without fail. Some of them are beneficial, but some of them are negative and hold us back from feeling positive or taking action that could benefit us.
Positive affirmations can help balance out the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and start a habit of thinking more positive thoughts than negative ones. After a breakup many of us experience black and white thinking about our ability to get over the pain. Affirmations are one way to hack the system.
Dr. David Hansom specializes in helping patients with chronic pain. He has said:
“Just as we do repetitive physical exercise to get stronger, affirmations can be thought of as exercise for our mind/brain.”
Does your heart hurt? If those suffering from other types of physical pain can find relief through affirmations, you may be able to as well.
How to write a breakup affirmation
After I spoke with my coach about using affirmations in my breakup healing we created something simple. The first affirmation I ever taped to the back of my front door said:
“I am going to have an amazing life.”
Want to create one of your own (though you are allowed to take mine!)? Some tips for creating personalized affirmations include:
Always write them in the positive
Avoid using words such as “never” “not” “no”, “over” “without” etc.
For instance, consider replacing “I will be fine without them” and “I love how content I am.”
Keep it short and sweet
It is easier to reprogram our thinking when we don’t, well, have to think too much!
Think about how you would most like to feel when your breakup is behind you. Let that be your guide.
I wasn’t very self-reliant when I left my marriage. I came from a religious background and hadn’t been taught a lot of the adulting skills some girls are taught. It was very hard for me to picture that life would be as sweet as it has become. Believing that my life would be great is all I wanted.
“I will have an amazing life” is all I wanted to feel. And it came.
Some breakup affirmations to help get you started:
Today I will walk toward what serves my highest purpose.
It is okay and I am allowed to grieve.
Today I will take time and care for my body, soul, and future.
I am healing each day.
I love how healed my heart feels.
I am amazing and doing so well.
This new chapter oh my life is so magical.
I am aware of my strength and act with confidence.
I rejoice in the process of creating positive change in my life.
I am capable and worthy of love.
Good luck, you’ve got this.