Are you using dating apps to meet new people or in the hopes of finding a new relationship? When was the last time you took a hard look at your attitude around using them? Are you having fun? Having success?
Tips for using dating apps often focus on profile setup, photos, how to write the more enticing DM, and other “practical” matters. But what about your mindset and how you are approaching them? This is just as important as anything you can do to make your profile bright and shiny.
After all, so many of us are swiping, but yet how often do we dwell on thoughts such as:
-There are no good people on here
-Dating apps suck!
-All the decent people are taken
-This is too much work
As with anything important that we want to accomplish in life, it is important to examine our mindset around online dating. It’s meant to be enjoyable, and being positive about it can only help? Before you swipe next explore these five top tips for developing a positive dating app mindset.
Five mindsets for dating app success
1. Positivity that you will find people to connect with
If you are dating because you would like to meet a long-term partner, it sort of goes to reason that you would be best served to believe that there is someone out there for you to connect with and have a healthy relationship with.
If you are dating again after a breakup, it is natural to be worried that there isn’t anyone out there who gets us, or that dating is fruitless. Disappointment around a relationship not working out can really impact how we think about love and romance and this is okay. But if these thoughts are quite present in your mind as you explore dating again, it might be a better idea to hold off while you work on this or put more time and space between the breakup and your current desire to date.
If it isn’t a breakup that is causing you to feel grumpy or doubtful about dating, it may be a good idea to do some work to reframe your thoughts. Remember, positivity attracts positivity!
2. Willingness to put in the time
The beauty of dating apps is that you will have the chance to go on multiple dates with multiple people and tweak things as you go along, with the goal of eventually really clicking with someone. It may happen quickly for some people, but typically it will take meeting a lot of people before making a quality connection with the potential for a long-term relationship…
And aren’t the best things in life worth waiting for?
But all too often, when things don’t happen right away, our mindset can shift to “online dating sucks” rather than “online dating is a journey.”
There will be bumps and dead ends along the way. If you are easily discouraged if not every date leads to a second and third date or get really down on dating if someone doesn’t end up being someone you’d like to date again, you may want to reevaluate your perspective and attitude.
A good way to look at it is to try NOT to click with people so that you will get closer to the people you will connect with!
3. Willingness to experiment
Using a dating app is about trial and error and seeing what works. There are filters to adjust, photos to try out, communication to use when chatting, a great bio, questions to answer, and more. It is important to remember that just like with many things in life and love, in order to have the best results, you may need to adjust how you do things from time to time.
So much of the content around online dating tips focuses on these aspects of using apps because it takes a lot of effort. Just like meeting people in real life, finding quality people means making sure that you are putting your best foot forward and paying attention to how you are showing up. This may mean that you regularly make changes to your profile, ask for advice, have new photos taken, examine your texting skills, and more.
4. Embracing your boundaries
When you are meeting new people all of the time, it’s very important to have boundaries.
Having an authentically enjoyable time out there while also getting closer to meeting someone you may have a relationship with means setting limits. It means knowing what you want and then being able to ask for it. And yes, it will mean saying ‘no’ and not pursuing things that you feel won’t lead to the joy you want and deserve.
Online dating pro tip: each no that you use in dating is as important as each yes.
Not only do you have to know what your boundaries are and maintain them, but it is also really useful that you be okay with having and using them. If you find yourself getting really down and out about dating apps each time you meet someone that is a no for you, it might not be as bountiful an experience as it could be.
5. Willingness to put yourself first
How much do you put yourself as a priority? Are you a people pleaser? Are you in touch with your desires?
Using dating apps to find a partner is all about trial and error. The reason we have apps is that they let us pick and choose the people and experiences that most light us up and that we resonate with. This is your chance to make the rules. And to do so you must be comfortable making them.
There is little point to using a dating app to find a partner if you say yes to each request, swipe right on each photo, message everyone back who messages you, say yes to every date, and definitely, if you say yes to future dates when you want to say no. Go into the experience with an attitude of creating an experience that you will most enjoy.